Kratzen Honest reviews that save you time — every day.
Sony gets Stumped by Startup
When a games console dies, and the capitalist, monopolistic conglomerations have no interest in preserving their culture, what’s left? This question was posed by “bleem!”, one of the world’s first successful and most important emulators!
It’s time for a review of a title that’s got some appeal for the furries, some appeal for the weebs, and some appeal for the masochists who like having their balls fucking annihilated into a thin, creamy, paste. Have fun! ☞
I ended up choosing a game to review that kicks my rear to the edge of Earth’s sphere, so I’m going to have to git real gud now, like this guy who 100% Super Mario Sunshine without using Yoshi, kinda. Wow! But also: Why? Thinking face…
Come one, come all, come take a look at the public execution of some poor sap who stepped on the Hand of Froge and got smacked because of it! Or whatever it is you call a frog’s hand. A paw? A sticky novelty elastic hand? ☞
And another thing, too
Let me tell you that there’s no way in heck I’m going to be able to finish this off tonight, so I’m just going to have to post more links and commit cultural communism. Like the 5,000 word Dril Wikipedia article! How does this even exist?
It’s time travel!
Also I’m on a three day backlog here because the daily schedule in November was so hecked up I would be obliged to post so far backwards in time. So, uh, here we go. This is the backlog filler text. Filler, filler, filler. Stop looking at me.
Back to snooze
I got another article in the making that’ll monopolise even more of your precious time, but don’t worry! If you need your fix of poorly – written visual novels, look no further than the Major/Minor world record speedrun! Thanks, Furry Jesus.
Holy shit, it happened! Butterfly Soup is about a bunch of gay girls doing their girly things who also play the Grand Old Game. It doesn’t do anything particularly well but it does provide some cheap laughs for the interested ladies. ☞
It’s not quite happening
Alright, so maybe I do have arthritis. No, I’m not expecting this review to be a 50,000 word epic. But if you do want something long to chew on, may I suggest the 25,000 word Froge Guide to Writing? Ah, those were the days of feeling dead every night!
Is it happening?
I may or may not have developed arthritis over the course of this unecessarily long experiment, but I can distract myself from the pain through the Wikipedia List of Unusual Articles, one of the site’s worst – kept secrets.
I beg you
Much like how I’m breaking down more and more over the course of several days, the kind gentlemen at TAS Force break down more and more over a Mario Kart 64 TAS about Toad being the best. Because, let’s be real, he is the best.
You know, I might as well put some links here to distract myself from the pain. So please enjoy one of the first speedruns I have ever seen: Paper Mario in 3:38:00, which is embarassingly outdated, just like the rest of Speed Demos Archive.
Any day now…
So it turns out that doing a 5K run combined with a ritzy afterparty dinner (at the type of restaraunt that demands its waitresses all wear miniskirts) is good for your health, but bad for doing a several – thousand words long review.
Okay maybe not
No, I’m not abandoning you. Don’t even think that. It’s just that I’ve had a lot of stuff to do over the past week, a lot of good old exercise, and a lot of, wait for it, sleeping around. So the review is likely coming tomorrow. Expect the worst.
Boy we STILL snooze
Oh, and also this night, because apparently writing a whole analysis of a visual novel that’s hours long and with several main characters and plot points that’s also wildly popular is a harder bargain than I thought. For shame, me.
We snoozing today
After having spent the previous night pimping his ride like a pimp and returning home in a dead sleep and $58.95 worth of pens, you can see why Froge decided to take a powder tonight. And by Froge, I mean me. I’m Froge. The pimp.