The Tao of Mario is out!
We’re back, baby!
CAN YOU FEEEEEEEEL IIIIT… ah, you kids wouldn’t get that reference.
Hahaha, what the buck is up everypony? It’s Froge here yet again to announce this brilliant new thing I made, in the vein of Todd Howard, that I will attempt to sell to you five times over the next five years, because those enhanced water textures aren’t going to sell themselves. Yes, why fix longstanding issues in our games design, or bother to improve an engine that’s over a decade old? Mind as well just give the lot a facelift, because Real Gamers only play Real Graphics! Also, make the sound quality worse, probably because they lost the original files and had to record them all using the mic – to – speaker method.
Listen, listen. It’s been a great few months, you know. I’ve had no obligations to feed the rats on this blog, I’ve learned a great deal about this silly medium of vibeo gaymes, posited a hell of a lot of thoughts about them, and convinced myself yet again that my prowess in both design and writing is as sharp as ever. I have a great reputation as a man who, when they say something, it remains said, and with the release of this brand – new book, I can safely say I have earned this reputation once and for all.
So ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, I present to you the wonderful, the spectacular, the irreplaceable dynamite once – in – a – lifetime holy – shit experience that is… The Tao of Mario.
Yessir, get comfy ladies and gentlemen, get your popcorn ready, get your licorice, get your root beers, ’cause this one’s a damn right banger. Not only do you have 23,500 words of discourse at your doorstep, but you also have over twenty different full – colour photographic images and screenshots covering the entire spectrum of gaming history, from Pong to Civilization VI, from flash games to NES classics, all carefully curated for your viewing and reading enjoyment.
When one man writes such a testament to the sheer amount of culture, the amount of knowledge and psychology that goes into every single facet of what games can offer — from Philosophy, to Æsthetics, and with Design and Achievements — then you know that it’s something special, something that you can’t miss, and something that you can look back on in your darkest moments, and be able to understand the sage advice that you learned such a long time ago.
There is no other author alive today that cares so much about their audience that they do everything in their power to prevent them from coming to harm, even accidentally, and wants to give back to all the fans who got them to where they are today. As another gesture of goodwill to everyone who has been such a benefactor to me, I’ve decided to make The Tao of Mario free forever, dedicated to the public domain as with all my works, so that you can go forth and do the same for your own fans.
I just want to thank you all for spending your limited time on this Earth with somebody who, with his own limited time, wants to spend it helping you out in the best ways that I can, even if all I can do is spread the good word about art, make you laugh during the process, get you motivated enough to create your own, and donate to everyone who made me who I am today. I can’t express my gratitude enough for all of y’all, and if I didn’t start up that humble Froghand blog way back when, I would have never gotten out of the slump that I was living through in the dark ages of 2016.
From Degenerate Prime Minister Froge.
Also, I want to thank all of you for reading this 800 word advertisement. Heh heh heh. Suckers.