2017 – 12 – 31

Eight Months with Kratzen

Finally, after all that festive cheer which can HECK right off, we can finally be privy to the whinings of yours truly, where Kratzen is his muse, and she is an abused muse. If you’re still with me on this. ☞

2017 – 12 – 30

sudo rm -rfd --no-preserve-root /*

Speaking of cute robots, check out this great comic by the too – good – for – this – world Shane Frost! It deals with themes of abandonment and robot consciousness in that particular sleek and sorrowful art he’s so good at, Man, what a great guy.

2017 – 12 – 29

Dead Letters: Cave Story

Oh, look, it’s Cute Robot Game. Move over, Touhou: Cave Story is taking over as the most unecessarily popular and ported Japanese freeware game series this side of Yume Nikki, though with less of the stench of modern art. ☞

2017 – 12 – 28

Forgotten but not Gone

Despite being a worldwide collective of nobody in particular with no real leadership to speak, the kind folks who made Katawa Shoujo are still updating the blog! Who has the keys to this operation? Who’s uploading this softcore pornography?

2017 – 12 – 27

Dead Letters: Katawa Shoujo

These letters aren’t dead; they’re on life support. This is a novel that I have shilled greatly, because it is damn good, very good, and if you disagree you probably have no soul. Or have a mental deficiency, which Yamaku High doesn’t care for. ☞

2017 – 12 – 26

Boxing day: where we all fight each other

Nobody wanted to watch Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire with me last night, so all I can do is bum Dead Homer Society and read about how flat-out ballsy that first season really was. This broadcast in 1989! They were still lynching the Blacks!

2017 – 12 – 25

Krazten on Zealot’s Day? God, you’re pathetic.

Unlike you nerds whose families have left you for dead in your manchild dens, I’m spending today enjoying time with my family and being a good… oh, who am I kidding, I’m stuck reading my old December shitposts. Wow, I was pissed back then!

2017 – 12 – 24

Living Numbers: Coldsphere Edmonton

Since it’s Zealot’s Eve with our shops closed for a week because we live in a world where leisure is the exception and not the norm, why not watch a Hotline Miami speedrun and familiarise yourself with getting banned from GDQ?

2017 – 12 – 23

Dead Letters: Hotline Miami

It’s a lull in the post – Solstice glee, and there’s just no criticising games after such a celebration. So enjoy this irregular series where I write personal letters to the games which made us who we are today, so I can throw back to the 1980s. ☞

2017 – 12 – 22

Writing for Gay Horses

I’ve done a lot of writing over the past six years, and I’m always sharing the secrets that made me the man I am. One of these is the Pony Writing Guide, designed to help bronies write better fanfiction! No, this is not a joke post.

2017 – 12 – 21

The Kratzen Winter Solstice Wealth Redistribution Celebration!

It’s the darkest night of the year, and to celebrate on the darkest site on the Web, I’m giving away tons of money to all the developers who may or may not deserve it and who I hope will stop making fun of me now. ☞

2017 – 12 – 20

ELF… BOWLING!?

Ah, it’s Solstice Eve, there’s warm rain and icy sludge outside, and there’s not a single zealot in sight. Why not enjoy this privilege by watching an extremely pissed – off man spend thirty minutes ranting about ELF… BOWLING!? The Movie?

2017 – 12 – 19

Hooray for dead white guys!

Fans of The Degenerates know that I’m an agreeable fellow (shut up, I am!), and I attribute much of this to my practice of Roman Stoicism. Why not check out the Lifehacker Mid-Week Meditations and become slightly less of a bad person?

2017 – 12 – 18

I’m wrong on the Internet

Seeing smoke made of my own tooth and ten minutes later having a bleeding hole where it used to be is still more pleasant than watching those damn Elsagate dentist videos. Is something wrong on the Internet? Yes. Yes there is.

2017 – 12 – 17

The Games we Couldn’t Play

There are only so many hours in the day I may abuse to bring you the Good Content such as what I’ve brought. Of course I don’t know if any of these games are Good Content, so I’ve left them in the shed to cannibalise each other. ☞

2017 – 12 – 16

Sony gets Stumped by Startup

When a games console dies, and the capitalist, monopolistic conglomerations have no interest in preserving their culture, what’s left? This question was posed by “bleem!”, one of the world’s first successful and most important emulators!

2017 – 12 – 15

“Tobu Tobu Girl” Review

It’s time for a review of a title that’s got some appeal for the furries, some appeal for the weebs, and some appeal for the masochists who like having their balls fucking annihilated into a thin, creamy, paste. Have fun! ☞

2017 – 12 – 14

Holy Heck!

I ended up choosing a game to review that kicks my rear to the edge of Earth’s sphere, so I’m going to have to git real gud now, like this guy who 100% Super Mario Sunshine without using Yoshi, kinda. Wow! But also: Why? Thinking face…

2017 – 12 – 13

Froge puts his Ashes Out!

Come one, come all, come take a look at the public execution of some poor sap who stepped on the Hand of Froge and got smacked because of it! Or whatever it is you call a frog’s hand. A paw? A sticky novelty elastic hand? ☞

2017 – 12 – 12

And another thing, too

Let me tell you that there’s no way in heck I’m going to be able to finish this off tonight, so I’m just going to have to post more links and commit cultural communism. Like the 5,000 word Dril Wikipedia article! How does this even exist?

2017 – 12 – 11

It’s time travel!

Also I’m on a three day backlog here because the daily schedule in November was so hecked up I would be obliged to post so far backwards in time. So, uh, here we go. This is the backlog filler text. Filler, filler, filler. Stop looking at me.

2017 – 12 – 10

Back to snooze

I got another article in the making that’ll monopolise even more of your precious time, but don’t worry! If you need your fix of poorly – written visual novels, look no further than the Major/Minor world record speedrun! Thanks, Furry Jesus.

2017 – 12 – 09

“Butterfly Soup” Review

Holy shit, it happened! Butterfly Soup is about a bunch of gay girls doing their girly things who also play the Grand Old Game. It doesn’t do anything particularly well but it does provide some cheap laughs for the interested ladies. ☞

2017 – 12 – 08

It’s not quite happening

Alright, so maybe I do have arthritis. No, I’m not expecting this review to be a 50,000 word epic. But if you do want something long to chew on, may I suggest the 25,000 word Froge Guide to Writing? Ah, those were the days of feeling dead every night!

2017 – 12 – 07

Is it happening?

I may or may not have developed arthritis over the course of this unecessarily long experiment, but I can distract myself from the pain through the Wikipedia List of Unusual Articles, one of the site’s worst – kept secrets.

2017 – 12 – 06

I beg you

Much like how I’m breaking down more and more over the course of several days, the kind gentlemen at TAS Force break down more and more over a Mario Kart 64 TAS about Toad being the best. Because, let’s be real, he is the best.

2017 – 12 – 05

Please

You know, I might as well put some links here to distract myself from the pain. So please enjoy one of the first speedruns I have ever seen: Paper Mario in 3:38:00, which is embarassingly outdated, just like the rest of Speed Demos Archive.

2017 – 12 – 04

Any day now…

So it turns out that doing a 5K run combined with a ritzy afterparty dinner (at the type of restaraunt that demands its waitresses all wear miniskirts) is good for your health, but bad for doing a several – thousand words long review.

2017 – 12 – 03

Okay maybe not

No, I’m not abandoning you. Don’t even think that. It’s just that I’ve had a lot of stuff to do over the past week, a lot of good old exercise, and a lot of, wait for it, sleeping around. So the review is likely coming tomorrow. Expect the worst.

2017 – 12 – 02

Boy we STILL snooze

Oh, and also this night, because apparently writing a whole analysis of a visual novel that’s hours long and with several main characters and plot points that’s also wildly popular is a harder bargain than I thought. For shame, me.

2017 – 12 – 01

We snoozing today

After having spent the previous night pimping his ride like a pimp and returning home in a dead sleep and $58.95 worth of pens, you can see why Froge decided to take a powder tonight. And by Froge, I mean me. I’m Froge. The pimp.