As the month ends, I look back on all that I have made, and I find it is good. I can summarise all of it by saying that, despite all the struggle, it is worth it to be here, and I will continue to be here for the weeks to come. ☞
We Snoozin’ Over Here
This recent visual novel I’m tearing apart is long ass, and not even in the way where I can just dump it and be certain I won’t miss anything. Nope, gotta be a professional reviewer and take an actual stab at it. I’m updating tomorrow, boy!
I gave it four stars, so I think those flowers are lit up as well as they can be. And just like flowers, this visual novel about girls being girls has a particular charm to it, a charm that I never want to let go of and want to be a part of. ☞
I tend to sleep on these games because I struggle to come up with anything smart to say about them. Which is fine, because it isn’t too smart, despite being a fine, just fine, example of a Metroidvania, with only a few enjoyable aspects. ☞
I like it a lot, and I like it for many reasons. I like the things it does and the things it say, and though it never really reaches its full potential in doing so (being a demo and all), I am actually really, pleasantly surprised with this title. ☞
Boy, we’ve finally done it, boy! Kratzen has graduated from being a cool magazine for dudes who doesn’t afraid of anything, to a blatant furry rag by way of developing a cat for a mascot. It’s all downhill from here. Pack it up. Let it go. ☞
Boi we Updatin’ Boiiii!!
As you can see, there is no review today because I must tend to my website like a cat mom tends to her cat kid. So please enjoy DigiBronyMLP’s take on why “MARIO ODYSSEEY IS UGLY AS SIN”, which is very convincing for a drunk weeb.
Also new Kratzen Contest
There’s an Itch.io Selects bundle going on right now that I’m hijacking for blatant promotional purposes. Check out my comment down there, and be one of two lucky bastards to win $50 worth of games: all free! For you. I have to pay.
Another genre piece that does nothing to expand upon the genre it belongs to. This time it’s a roguelike game, when all roguelikes should know after their decades – long history to be as least like Rogue as is practicable. ☞
It’s fresh off the presses: a new, fledgling indie game that is certain to be destroyed in the public arena due to being starved of all its funds, but believe me when I say it’s really good, guys! Look: it has pizza and fat chicks! ☞
A heartwrenching view at wage slavery, globalised capitalism, and the military – industrial complex through the eyes of a single, soulless worker, who is a magic skeleton what kills a billion warriors in blood and gore. ☞
I’ve finally managed to have my career in games journalism validated by getting a brand new type of account that does actually little and is sort of underwhelming. But at least I have it for the future! Hooray. ☞
Why game in the middle when you can go to THE EDGE? I apologise in bringing up this empty promise that you, a Gamer, will have your Gameplay measurably enhanced by THE EDGE. But THE EDGE is full of EMPTY PROMISE. ☞
KAIMA is the kinda game I wonder if I should think too hard about, but it is also the type of game where thinking about it has its own sort of special pleasure, in that same sort of girlish manner and or girlish number. ☞
A sometimes – funny, sometimes deathly-serious look at mediocrity in video games and all the damage it can do against us. Naturally this is told through the medium of an extremely mediocre game. Also: more Undertale bashing! ☞
I should tell you there’s nothing funny within this article. It’s a serious look at the problems and tribulations that I’ve endured because of Kratzen, and how Kratzen never really became what I was hoping it to turn out as. ☞
Another day, another long article about the meaning of art and all the discourse that comes with it. Of course, we already know the meaning of art: it’s whatever I tell you. Yes, bow down to me. I control what you like. ☞
I happen to be a man of taste, and so I only use premiere operating systems for computing, all of which some variation of Linux. Sometimes paradise comes crashing down to Earth, and all I’m left with are dead dreams and bad intentions. ☞
And today I’ll be showing you a game about my personal quarters, being some dank caves with a lot of spiders and ancient gold hidden amongst the snakes. Please don’t try to touch them. Mr. Hissy Fits is a bit of a prickly fellow, him. ☞
After much speculation, we finally answer the question: “Will Froge ever stop shilling that book of his?”. And the answer, of course, is no. So it’s fortunate we can gather around some other shills for a change! ☞
Happy Memorial Day, dipshits! Hope you weren’t planning on remembering any dead veterans, because we’ve got shit to doooo! Now watch yours truly whine about video games, because we have nothing better to do in life. ☞
Hi, I’m Troy McClure! You may remember me from such other educational articles as “Scavenge from the Torrent Wasteland”, “Don’t get Caught on that CP”, and “The Spongebob Squarepants: The Movie: The Game: The Review”! ☞
First Sam and Max, now Jack and Casie. I could make several allusions to each others work in an increasingly obscure demonstration of fanboyism, but you know what? I’m too cool for that sort of crap, so I’ll just write about furry porn. ☞
Hey, kids! Do you like violence? If you don’t, you can bugger right off. You see, this game is all action, all the time, and no amount of intelligent discourse about mental health will ever not make it kick ass. To the max! ☞
Look at the title. Now back to me. Now back at the title. Now back to me. You see, only the finest of games have their gimmicks right in the title, and with a Kratzen – quality review backing it up, you know it’s gonna be a good one. ☞
Did you know that environmental sims could be engaging and exciting experiences? Of course you didn’t, you uncultured swine, so all I have to do is drag up some great work from the depths of Hell and shove it all, in your face, right now. ☞
Hear me, you filthy peasants!
Froge is making a BIGASS UPDATE for Kratzen on 2017 – 11 – 10: November 10 for normies! On this occasion, I will answer all your questions! So e-mail that ishii over to email@example.com and leech off the popularity of your betters.
BREAKING: owner and proprietor of Kratzen bends to public pressure, decides to review blatant Minecraft ripoff despite being a title he has personally described as “adequate” and “stop bothering me you soulless scavengers”. ☞
A game that’s famous for being screwed over by big business, it’s also infamous for not being an enjoyable experience, and so the character assassination on Nintendo’s part just led more people to waste their time. ☞
Would anybody else like to bully some indie developers? No? Well, here we are anyway. Taking place in the truly despotic era of 1979, this game isn’t good, and so it will be rated one star to attract attention on the archives. ☞
Under my thumb comes the newest game from Not Toby Fox: Underhero, which is the hero I need most right now, but will never come, as most heroes are mythical and reflect why myths are a bunch of dirty liars. ☞
It’s time for the Furry Infection, though in this case featuring nothing sexy — no, please, come back, I beg you. This one features a mouse, a taxi cab, a, uh, conversation. Some things. Look, just read the damn review. ☞