Stories for 2017 – 07.

Five Months with Kratzen

Kratzen favicon.

Guess who’s back? Well, you, for one, but also your boy Froge! Today we talk about Internet Welfare, a bunch of bad movies, the wonderous world of socialist economics, and some other garbage nobody cares about yet fills up the word count.

Four Months with Kratzen

Kratzen favicon.

Look! I’m not dead! I gave you full bloody warning about how I was writing a whole book, and in fact that’s the article under this one, so all I can do now is talk about anime and poor opinions about feminism. That time of the month again!

Froge is Writing a Book!

The dashing Froge logo, a smiling cheeky frog bloke with three horns.

Finally, I can be a real author, instead just a degenerate Gamer type talking about Games on the Gamernet! I’m starting up a new non – fiction games design project, so read all about the not – so – juicy details, and also a lot of shilling.

Three Months with Kratzen

Kratzen logo: a white crosshair on a black background.

Don’t forget: you’re here forever. Yes, watch me denigrate myself, my website, my establishment, and the entire video games industry in an exposé so explosively racist that it makes that guy from Seinfeld weep.

What is a Furry?

A cool furry mammal thing looking down with its shonen eyes determined, cropped from furry porn.

Welcome, one and all, to the big questions that nobody asked for and would like to be blissfully ignorant of. Why not stop on by and talk about porn? We got some. Let me just scream that: FREE PORN!

“Liar Liar” Review

The little girl protagonist with cute fangs, covered in blood while staring blankly, from “Liar Liar”.

Remember the stock horror cliché of the spooky little girl? Now we have a very bubbly little girl, who wishes to kill her boyfriend, and does so with a great deal of blood and pretty pastel painterly paintings.

Dunkey’s Garbage: Part 5

An indistinguishable mess of grey, at one point a cool donkey.

The stunning conclusion to this epic series! Watch as Froge feels things again: from drama, to joy, to cringe to crying! Everything you could ever want is in this finale, and also some nonsense that nobody asked for and would like to forget.

Dunkey’s Garbage: Part 4

The cool donkey avatar, in sunglasses with a cigar, from “videogamedunkey”, heavily compressed.

Time to share my ignorant opinions with a populace that only likes me for memes. Isn’t that all of us, at the end of the day? What good is the quality of one’s work if one only enjoys it for the sake of a funny picture?

Dunkey’s Garbage: Part 3

The cool donkey avatar, in sunglasses with a cigar, from “videogamedunkey”, moderately compressed.

Hey everybody, it’s your boy here, coming at you live from the big old mancave somewhere in the deepest pits of a piece of garbage condo that I spent fifty thousand bucks on, and need to pay off using my fat Neocities ad money.

Dunkey’s Garbage: Part 2

The cool donkey avatar, in sunglasses with a cigar, from “videogamedunkey”, slightly compressed.

Part two of my futile attempt to libel a famous YouTuber is met with much resistance by the author of the article, who is forced to contend with some stunning revelations, and also some mundane ones quickly forgotten about.

Dunkey’s Garbage: Part 1

The cool donkey avatar, in sunglasses with a cigar, from “videogamedunkey”.

Have you ever wanted to harass somebody you don’t know and in all likelihood will never get to meet about their taste in a medium that’s so young you can only really fall back on a dozen or so titles? Here we are!

“Galaxycat” Review

A cat’s face from furry porn, specifically that of the e621 mascot Hexerade.

As part of the Kratzen Hostage Negotiation Initiative, I have been forced to review a website instead of an indie game. Now please, give me my tendies. Give me my good boy points. Just don’t hurt my feels.

“Momodora II” Review

Momo from “Momodora II”, all jumpity in her 16×16 spritework.

Today’s installment in the increasingly inaccurately taglined Kratzen is a little indie game made from the creators of the first Momodora, and due to the laws of games development you would expect to be better than the first.

What Doth Stars Mean?

A close – up of Mario’s face from that Vinesauce animation about Terminal 7.

Froge finally answers the question as old as the site itself, so about three months old: “What do the stars mean?”. Like all good questions, everything and nothing, though one which makes it easy for me to get downvoted on Itch.


A headshot of a knight dressed in full iron armour, from “RuneScape”.

Usually you can sum up an experience from the name. Not this time. It’s a lying name, whose only truth is that you fight. But it’s the implication of a good time that it lies about, and its implications are clear.

“Gamma Bros” Review

The two low – resolution pixellated brothers from “Gamma Bros”, a white guy with funky hair on the left, a black guy with no hair on the left, standing next to each other.

Do any of you remember the Good Old Days where games were games, men could be men, and we could be racist? Kratzen Farms remembers. Anyway, here’s Gamma Bros, which is quite good and not at all racist.

“Essence Hunt” Review

The gay fox boy, Kei, from “Essence Hunt”, with a beautiful smirk.

So how about that gay furry romance, eh? Alright, half – furry, but full gay. Essence Hunt is a serviceable story with serviceable writing used mainly for the copious amounts of fluffy foxy fanservice, bare chest and all. Hooray!

“Don’t Get a Virus” Review

The sneaky second boss virus with a toothy grin from “Don’t Get a Virus”.

How pleasant, it is, to finally see a game that is worth playing. I have searched long and far for this game, and though it’s short and not life-altering, it sure is an enjoyable one. But it would be ironic if the game was a virus.

“The Maître D’” Review

The little green gentleman from “The Maître D’”.

The SeaDads are back to make a Sea Splash, unlike yesterday’s underwhelming splash. They have created a very well-designed product here, with dignity and professionalism, though suffering from a lack of real satisfaction.

“Mermaid Splash! Passion Festival” Review

The cheeky face of Freddi Fish.

Oh no, not anime again. This time it’s about a bunch of cute fish who look cute and yet are the most vapid speakers you’ll ever meet. Well, not meet as in meeting somebody in the real world. That would shatter some worldviews.